Jen Brook

I consider myself an artist trapped inside the body of one who cannot paint...so instead, I model... www.jenbrook.com

Matchmaker IV: One Message Received

Part I: Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A Match.

Part II: Matchmaker Have You Made Me A Match?

Part III: Find Me A Find, Catch Me A Catch.

As my keys hit the shelf and my bag hit the floor, my phone made me jump as it beeped…

(The story continues…)

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Rummaging through my strewn down handbag, I grabbed a hold of the illuminated mobile amongst the debris of crap and crumbs festering at the bottom of the coral coloured material. I pulled it out as the fading light reflected against my pale face looking down.  

*ONE MESSAGE RECEIVED*

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Oh flipping nora, it was him. Surely if he was giving me the brush off he could have just left me to it. I’d have taken the hint and he’d have saved me a little embarrassment. Oh allow me my dignity, for goodness sake man and don’t reply! 

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What? Was he just being polite? Was he taking the piss? Was he sat at home with his buddies seeing how far they could push me? Did he just call me…’great’? What a curious choice of word. I’m great. I’m…great? JEEBUS, I’m a paranoid humanoid! Maybe he….could he actually like me?! 

I ran up the stairs to my bedroom, kicked off my shoes and threw myself backwards onto my bed, bouncing just enough to jolt poor Walter awake from his fat cat slumber. My loose hair jumped and landed flat across face as I scurried it back from my eyes with my left hand whilst my right was still clutching my phone high above me. HE DID! HE TOTALLY FANCIED ME! 

Biting my index knuckle hard enough to leave dents, I continued to type back to him. It was late but we were still talking and I certainly wasn’t for leaving. It was suddenly 1am when we called time on our conversation, pulled back only by a promise to go to work upon sunrise. Slaves to the establishment, our flirting was on hold until the morn. 

*Beep beep…beep beep*

My alarm. For GOD's sake, how I despise that insufferable sound. The poor person who invented that tone must be the most hated human on earth. It was time to get up and shower and dressed and it's raining and….wait…*quick inhale* I went on a date last night! And if I remember correctly he definitely liked me! 

Suddenly the super smile from the night before beamed back across my wakening face. Memories came flooding back of a day that had gone so averagely but had turned into something much better. I weaved my horizontal body around the giant sleeping tomcat who had parked himself between my pillow and phone. Reaching over I picked it up, single handedly clicking it on with the button on top. The screen lit up and there it was, another message…from him. 

A simple text to say good morning and to wish me luck that meant more than the world; for today was Friday 21st February and I wasn’t working…no no, I was off to London to shout my sh*t at the Japanese Embassy on behalf of two thousand dolphins in Taiji. It was going to be long and tough, but I had the backing of a beautiful stranger whom I’d known for little more than a week…and suddenly I was ready for anything. 

Still grinning, I rolled back into the mattress groove that I had just left, crushing the black fuzzball who had stretched his long chicken like legs under my knees, his toes spread out like a backscratcher. “Oops sorry Walter" I croaked, morning voice in full effect. 

By tea time (that’s dinner time for you non-Northern folk) and boarding the late train home, date number two had been secured. Three days later it was decided that he would cook for me. That’s right…cook. A handsome man was going to slave in his kitchen providing me with fancy fresh food cooked from scratch in his plush city centre apartment…it took a minute or two to sink in (all the while thankful he hadn’t suggested coming to mine where I’d serve him a platter of chicken nuggets served on a bed of oven chips in front of a Gogglebox omnibus with a Ribena).

Smiling away at myself for all of 3 minutes, I suddenly realised something terrible and my face dropped…

I knew he liked me this time….the pressure was on! My skin went white and my breath shortened…THE FEAR had set in. 

To be continued…

 
** Follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/jenbrookmodelling and Twitter @Jen_Brook_Model & my website www.jenbrook.com **   

Grow.

I know I shouldn’t be writing to you, but for a moment, you’re on my mind. It’s been a year almost to the day since it ended, 360 to be exact…and I guess you’d call that a full circle.

The minute the clocks stopped…the second my heart crumbled…the moment I swore this time would be the last. It isn’t an anniversary I had planned for us, but I need you to know this: I got there. I am there, I’ll stay there and I’ll never cry so hard that I can’t breathe again. 

Never will I ever regret each one of those painfully long days where I taught myself to remember, realise and recover. Ten months. I’m sorry that you didn’t give yourself that

I’ve been through every process and emotion I’ve ever thought possible. Because I’ve cried, I’ve laughed and I’ve longed for you. But hey, I’ve lived and learnt this year more than ever… 

I’ve seen a new world beyond the countries we can travel and I’ve tasted something much more. I’ve felt a connection with humans, non-humans and stories and I’ve understood what it is to have fear. I’ve challenged myself just to feel again…to know I can do it alone.    

I hope that you’re happy, I hope that you’re smiling and I hope all of your choices come good. You have so much to give to the world…don’t lose your way this time, just remember who you are. 

I will miss you forever, love you forever and remember you always. I’m so happy right now. Thank you for letting me go grow

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Image taken in Los Angeles by Leah Manzari

** Follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/jenbrookmodelling and Twitter @Jen_Brook_Model & my website www.jenbrook.com **   

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